Role of the Manager in 1:1 discussions

 Happiness – everybody seeks it and hardly a few understand what it is.  We all love our house, cars, plush office, mobile phone, the designation at work, the business etc, etc. etc.  But most of us are still not happy.  In fact, the more of these things and the more seems to be the stresses of maintaining the 5-star like house or the shine of the car; maintaining a position at the office; need of  buying each upgrade of the favorite mobile brand etc. 

On the other hand there are poor people who feel genuinely happy when they just manage two square meals for their family; that too when the food may just be a piece of dry bread dipped in water.  Similarly, there are people who have lost their limbs in accidents or lost their loved ones to fatal diseases, but  who still serve their community with a tear hidden in their eyes, prayer hidden in their hearts and  a beaming smile on their lips.  When they make others smile, they not just achieve an inner happiness but they find greatness. 

In essence, happiness is not something that one can achieve in external tools or belongings but it is a feeling that comes from living life with the intention of accepting what some greater power in the skies bestows, and in continuing to doing the right things, not hurting anybody and trying to help others at every opportunity.  Happiness comes to those who are thankful to God as well as those who can forgive and forget.

That leads us to the scientifically proven facts about happiness.  Certain activities practiced everyday can help create habits which open up the brain’s neural networks to new pathways which can look at the positive aspects of life in any situation.  That means that people with such an outlook are able to enjoy all ups and downs of life and tide over any pains and stresses that life brings. 

Science has also proven that happy people perform better in every thing that they try, it is easy to wake up in the morning and face any challenge.  Not just the positivity of such people is higher,  but their absenteeism is lower and their productivity naturally higher.

That means that for Managers and Leaders having people in their team with a happy outlook, can be a mantra for success in any case. 

But it is easier said then done. When a spoon comes in contact with a plate, some clanging can always happen.  Similarly, each person is different and when people come together, specially early in their acquaintances, there are bound to be some push-and-pull. 

A famous model that explains team’s lifecycle is the Tuckman Model which says that teams go through a cycle of Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing.  In other words before they reach the stage of high performance, they come together and some ‘storms’ may arise before everything turns normal, and then comes the best performance. 

So ever wondered why certain teams seem to bond so well, they enjoy each other’s success, celebrate their successes together, and are willing to do anything not just for one another but also for their managers and their leaders.

It is obvious that they have gone past the forming and storming states but they have built credibility and trust in each other as well as their leader. 

How does a Leader cultivate trust,  Obviously if the leader has skills and they use it well for the right outcomes for the team, then the team members start looking up to the leader … the credibility goes higher.  And with time this credibility along with how the leader takes people along enhances trust.

But how does a manager carry people along?  A leader or a manager have to build a mutual understanding with their team members.  One such thing that I am elaborating in this article is 1-to-1 interactions. 

Many a times, manager plan for 1-to-1 meeting with a team member with al good intent.  But it is human nature that when one thinks that one is in a superior position, one feels the need to establish authority.  Which means that as soon as the team member says a few key-words, the managers start speaking, and they speak as if they know the topic better than the person in front of them. The  managers want to reaffirm that they have the best interest of the person at heart.  But the effect it creates on the team member is usually the opposite.  People stop in their tracks, lose their train of thoughts and hence do not come out with all the details of things bothering them, do not give any  constructive feedback they might have given about the team and/or the team leader. 

The leader through their poor listening skills have lost that opportunity of building that bond of trust. 

Instead, the leaders should actually keep quiet, keep their ego aside and should just listen, not just the verbal but also the non-verbal cues.  They should summarise, para-phrase and seek confirmation of what they have heard and understood.  They can reflect back on what s being said and then work on an assurance of action(s) that they would undertake to resolve the issues, give something more tangible and believable for the team member, so that they take away positivity outside.  ( you can watch my video too on this subject).  Such a positive team member becomes an ally of the manager and would try to help the manager solve not just their own problem but also any other problems of the team.  And this is just the first step towards a happy team.  

To conclude I would just like to say that having candid 1-to-1 interactions with employees is a good tool that managers and leaders can use to build trust with the team.  This is not the only thing and a lot of other things can be done based on the situation.  Other techniques will come in subsequent articles.  Keep watching this space for more …. subscribe to the blog, subscribe to my video channel and let us keep learning from each other – how to create happy workplaces?

Bye for now.